


Dangerous Interactions

by AHS



Category: Actor RPF, Queer as Folk (US) RPF
Genre: M/M, Viagra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-18
Updated: 2008-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:49:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHS/pseuds/AHS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AKA "Just Saying")  Um... Gale ingests the wrong pills.  Wackiness (and some horniness) ensues!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dangerous Interactions

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I made this up.
> 
> Written for "blue ones" and "trip" prompts at boys4all LJ comm.

"Fuck!"

Gale took a second to collect himself. He didn't know what he was drinking, but one sip of whatever the latest concoction was made him feel like his eyeballs had been sucked down inside of his skull.

"Rand, what the fuck did you put in this?"

"Um… pretty much everything," came a voice from the kitchen, sounding pleased with itself.

Gale took another gulp, grimaced, and soon joined Randy there. Pressing the heel of his hand into the ridge of his brow (in an attempt to hold in his brains), Gale bumped the happy bartender with his hip.

"No more. You're dangerous."

"What? I'm having fun."

"There's mixing drinks and then there's _mixing_ drinks."

"Wimp."

"Hey, I survived your 'Sex On The Beach in a Hurricane.' Wasn't too bad. I even survived the 'Slow Comfortable Screw in a Mudslide,' which was disgusting. But… what's this one?"

"'Screaming Orgasm Against The Wall in an Alabama Slammer.'"

"When did _you_ become the bad influence between the two of us?"

"You love it. Don't lie."

"Well, if you want me to live to see tomorrow, I need some preventative measures. Where's your aspirin or some reasonable facsimile?"

Randy patted Gale's cheek sympathetically. "Bathroom. Medicine cabinet. Ahh, I'm so glad I don't get hangovers." He giggled and the sympathetic quality was somehow lost.

Gale actually gave Randy a "talk to the hand" gesture on his way to the bathroom. Then stuck his tongue out at himself in the cabinet's mirrored door before pulling it open. He didn't see a bottle he recognized. "Where in the cabinet?"

"Uh… I think… under the condoms?"

Gale spotted a condom packet, and underneath it, found a small pillbox. He opened the pillbox, took out the only two pills… made a mental note to tell Randy he was now out of aspirin… and quickly swallowed them with a handful of water from the sink.

Not realizing he'd missed a nearly full bottle of Excedrin on the bottom shelf. Beneath the shelf holding a box of Lifestyles. Which had been what Randy meant.

Yeah, Gale now had more to worry about than a hangover. But he didn't _quite_ realize it yet.

"Thanks," he muttered once back in the kitchen. He stared at the open bottles of alcohol all along the counter and decided to have a long chug of water for every sip of creatively titled poison tonight. He grabbed a Vittel from Randy's fridge, reaching over and poking Randy's ankle with a bare big toe. "By the way, I cleaned you out."

"No, there's more water."

"No, the pills… for my head… I took the last ones."

Randy stopped drinking out of the blender and looked at Gale strangely. "What are you talking about? How many did you take?"

"Two."

"Well, that bottle was at least half full."

"What bottle? The pills were in a little box."

"What little box?"

"I don't know! The one right where you said it'd be!"

Randy shook his head and started walking his little fast walk to the bathroom. Gale could never keep up with that walk, so he just stayed put. After a moment or two of silence, he heard a quiet…

"You didn't."

Followed by…

"Fuck, I think you did."

Followed by…

"Oh my _God_." And shamelessly raucous laughter.

"What the hell, Rand?"

Eventually, Randy's amusement trickled down to an occasional hiccupping chuckle, and he came back to face Gale, almost shyly. "Gale, what did the pills look like?"

Gale thought that was a dumb question. "Like… little… I don't know, _pills_!"

"What color were they?"

Gale closed his eyes for a second. "Uh… blue ones. Aleve, right? Why?"

True enough, Aleve tablets were blue, so maybe Gale wasn't as completely blotto or insane as Randy had begun to wonder. But the blue ones in that pillbox had most definitely not been Aleve.

"Gale, um… I don't know how to tell you this, but… that was Viagra."

"Haha." The drinking hadn't slowed his joke reaction time. That was a pretty good one. "Right. Like you'd have Viagra in your…"

His comprehension must have still been intact, too, because Gale watched Randy's face turn pink with the truth, and that truth sunk in very quickly.

"WHAT?"

"I am so sorry!"

"Why the fuck do you have Viagra in your medicine cabinet?" he yelled, then paused with concern. "Rand, you okay?"

"I'm fine!" Randy spat, affronted. "They weren't for me! I mean, they _were_ for me, technically, but I was never going to take them!" He sighed heavily. "They were part of a gag gift from a friend when I turned thirty. Didn't you see the sticker on the box that said ' _Over The Hill_ '?"

"Nope! Missed that! Thank you very much!"

"Well, you're not dying or anything! You're just… going to… get…" Randy's eyes dipped to Gale's crotch. "Anything… happening?"

Gale's death stare quieted Randy's giggles. But he switched to a horrified gasp upon noticing all the surrounding alcohol, as if for the first time.

"Shit, Gale, I don't think you're supposed to take that stuff when you've been drinking."

"Ehh, can't be too big a deal. I'm sure the old horndogs who take it all the time always knock back a few for courage."

"Not as much as you've had!" With that, Randy hurried to the sofa and sat down, opening up his laptop, which sat on the coffee table in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"Going online to look up Viagra… interactions with alcohol… side effects, that kind of thing."

"Great. What do I do?"

"Maybe you should lie down?"

Gale snickered, picturing himself lying down, completely flat, except for his dick sticking up in the air.

Randy watched this possible prelude to a breakdown out of the corner of his eye. " _Ookay_. Or not."

Getting louder, and veering a bit too close to hysteria, Gale finally swayed over to the sofa and plopped down next to a Google-crazy Randy.

Such close proximity… not smart. But, he wouldn't realize _that_ for another twenty minutes or so.

During which time, Randy was rapidly becoming an expert in a field he had hoped he would never need to. And, after running down a checklist of medical conditions to make sure Gale didn't have any diseased organs he hadn't told him about, Randy was mildly reassured.

"Okay, I think you might be all right. Just don't drink any more."

"Darn. That last glass you handed me was _sooo_ delicious."

"You said you took both pills, right? Do you know how many milligrams they were? They have a little number carved in them."

"Rand, I barely remembered they were blue." His head flopped onto Randy's shoulder. "What difference does it make?"

"I don't know, but it might! If you took two 25's, you should be fine. Two 50's, maybe still okay. But if you took two 100's… I don't know. Maybe I should take you to the hospital."

"You are _not_ gonna take me to the hospital." Randy's neck smelled good.

"No. I mean, not unless… ' _Overdose symptoms may include chest pain, nausea, irregular heartbeat, and feeling light-headed or fainting_.' How do you feel? Any nausea?"

"If that shit you made wasn't enough to make me toss my cookies, some little pills aren't gonna do it."

"What about your chest?" Randy slid a hand under Gale's T-shirt and flattened his palm over the man's heart.

Gale jumped. "Your hand's cold."

"Sorry," Randy shrugged. "From the drinks." He rubbed quick circles on Gale's skin to warm him up.

"Uhh…" It was working too well. Damn pinky kept grazing his nipple. " _Don't do that_ ," he whispered, unsure if to Randy or himself.

"I'm just checking your heartbeat," Randy said, hand now still. He counted, lip between his teeth. "Well… seems a little fast. But I guess you're okay." Randy took back his hand, got up, and walked across the room.

"Yeah, I feel… good." _Good, yeah, you go over there_. Gale let out a breath and tried to convince his body it didn't want to do what it was about to.

Not that uncontrollable erections around Randy were a _new_ thing, but… Gale's dick had never been a- a… slave to pharmaceuticals before… He felt a bit violated.

"Now what are you doing?"

Randy picked up his phone. "I'm calling the friend who gave me the _gift_."

"Oh yeah? Anybody I know?"

Randy smiled oddly in response as he dialed and waited. "…Hi, Scotty."

" _Our_ Scotty?"

"…Yeah, Scott, not that I don't want to catch up, but I actually called with a question… Remember what you gave me for my birthday?… Hilarious, right… But do you know how many milligrams those pills were?… Doesn't matter why, but I'm not able to look at them, no… No, I did not, of course not… I just need to know!… What do you mean, ' _Is Gale with me?_ '"

"Tell the little pusher I'm beating him with my shoe." Gale, now curled up on his side on the sofa, reached to the floor, picked up a sneaker, and made lazy hitting motions in the air. "Wait… _your_ shoe."

"No, he's not-… No, we're not-… Just TELL ME!… Thank you."

"Love you, Scotty!" Gale hollered through his armpit as Randy was hanging up.

"Okay, he says he thinks they were the middle dose. But they definitely weren't the highest, so you probably don't have to worry."

"Where did Scotty just happen to come by some Viagra, anyway?"

"Ooh, you're right. Maybe we should ask his girlfriend."

"Did he learn nothing from that show we were on?"

"Hey, _hey_ …"

"Just saying…"

Randy sat on the sofa arm and rubbed Gale's shoulder sweetly. And Gale decided that Randy being nice to him would not do at all right now, so better to piss him off.

"Who the fuck puts a gag gift in their medicine cabinet?"

Randy's massaging fingers halted. "Excuse me. I figured I could use the pillbox. I just tossed it in there. I didn't think to flush what was inside."

Gale mumbled, mostly unintelligibly, into the cushion… something about the common water supply and innocent people tripping on crazy wang pills.

"I didn't know I needed to put a _Gale_ safety lock on it." The massaging fingers started again.

Gale offered up a finger of his own.

"Stop being so grumpy. You're fine. Anyway, people misunderstand Viagra." Randy was an expert now, you see. "It doesn't cause magic, instant…" He picked up his DVD remote, held it to the front of his pants, and rather comically mimed a lightning speed erection. "You have to be aroused for it to even work… Gale?"

Groaning, Gale half-rolled off the couch, quickly righted himself, and headed to Randy's bedroom without a backward glance. "I'm gonna hang out in here by myself for a while."

"Gale!"

The door shutting rather loudly was the only response.

"You're not actually mad at me, are you?"

"…Just getting some distance."

Randy was only a tiny bit intoxicated, so Gale's likely problem was only a tiny bit slowed in alighting on his brain. Once it arrived, he grinned goofily, clapped his hands like a little kid, and (for some reason) tiptoed to his bedroom door and knocked.

"You're not having fun in there without me, are you?"

"No. Forgot you don't have a TV in here."

"That's not what I meant." Randy leaned against the door and sighed. "Gale, even in the days when we didn't _want_ to get hard around each other, you never really hid from me. Why on earth are you hiding now?"

"Not hiding. I just feel like some kind of… X-rated science project."

"So… it's…?"

Gale answered with some more of that borderline hysteria.

"Wow."

"I don't like my body getting the best of me."

"Then… how about _my_ body getting the best of _your_ body?"

More groaning.

"Let me play! Help, I mean. Let me help."

Pouty mumbling. "I don't want your charity."

"God, I forgot how girly sensitive you can get when you drink."

Whereas, conveniently, Randy just got horny.

"Gale, are you serious? We haven't seen each other in months. You're only here for a couple of days before you have to go start filming. I was kind of hoping we would be fucking by now, anyway… Weren't you?"

Quiet, then… "I didn't want to presume."

Randy had to laugh then. "Just open the door."

"It's not locked."

"Oh."

He twisted the knob and opened the door to find Gale lying on the bed, propped up on his elbows, his jeans unzipped and peeled open. The head of his dick was purple and poking well out of his underwear.

"Well, _hello_." Randy sat next to him on the bed, then carefully straddled his thighs. "How you feeling, big man? Any chest pain or anything?"

"Just really, really, really, really, really fucking hard."

"Bragging, are we?"

"Feel for yourself."

Randy tugged Gale's boxer briefs the rest of the way down and grasped his exposed length firmly in his hand. Gale gasped at the touch, but not as loudly as Randy did.

"Holy shit!"

"I know."

"I thought… I mean, you think you know a guy at his hardest, and then…"

"Yeah."

Randy started pulling off clothes, both his and Gale's. "Then you better butch up and fuck me."

" _Butch up_?"

"Did I stutter?"

Randy soon found himself deliciously held down and very thoroughly kissed.

"I'll make you stutter," Gale grinned breathily onto his lips.

"You know what? I don't think you taking those pills was an accident. I think you did all this on purpose just so I would let you top."

"Like hell. I have no problem with our usual way of deciding."

"But you suck at Rock Paper Scissors. I beat you, like, 2 to 1."

"Mm hmm. So maybe you intentionally directed me to those pills so that you wouldn't have to admit you wanted to get fucked."

"You have no blood in your brain at this moment, so I'll let that go."

"While you're going, go get condoms."

"There's a couple in the drawer."

"We're gonna need the whole box."

*****

"But… the site said… it's supposed to go down after…"

"Tell that… *whew*… to _it_."

"Not complaining… just amazed."

"You said there's more water, right?"

*****

"I bet we could break a plate over it."

"Please don't."

"Just saying…"

"Uh huh. Can we please put that at the bottom of the list of your special techniques?"

"I'll show you technique…"

*****

"It's just the combination, you know. The medicinal enhancement added to your already nearly superhuman virility. That's why…"

"…it _just won't die!_ "

"Something like that."

"Good theory… One more attempt?"

"Okay… Then I get to fuck you, no matter what state you're in. To give you a rest, poor thing."

"More fun than a nap."

*****

"Let's not move again for, like, a year."

"'Kay," Randy burbled into Gale's chest.

"How's my heart rate?"

"Almost keeping pace with mine." A hand crept down Gale's torso to lovingly, lazily fondle the beautiful, wonderful softness. "But we did it."

Smile and a weak, "Yay."

"Yay."

"What are we doing tomorrow?"

"Mm… nothing."

"Really? Awesome."

"Watch movies maybe. We can watch _Zoolander_ and you can shift uncomfortably and I can laugh every time they say 'Blue Steel.'"

"You own _Zoolander_?"

"No. Yes."

"It's okay to be lame sometimes, Rand. It's okay to be a big dork like me."

"David Bowie's in it."

"I know, I know." Gale rubbed sweaty circles on Randy's back. "You're cool."

"Thank you."

"But no more bartending for you."

"Fine… Shit. I never got to make my Ball-banger Lube Job in a Singapore Sling."

"Fuck your creativity."

"S'okay, I don't have any Ouzo, anyway."

"Kiss me, and then I think we've earned the right to pass out."

Randy lifted his head enough to land a kiss on Gale's lips. "I second that. Night."

"…And could you take your hand off my dick before we have to start all over?"

"Oops, sorry."

"Just saying."


End file.
